The Count's World 11: Journey to a New World
by The Great Allie
Summary: When the crew winds up on a strange island with no way off, getting home is their number one priority. But just what IS this place, and what secrets is it holding?
1. 11 dash 1

_You'll have to bear with me, guys. I'm currently obsessed with… something else. I have so, so many more stories for TCW and have no plans to stop, but I don't have the same passion that I did before. That's why it's been so slow. But I still love doing it, so I'm not going anywhere! Just letting you know why I've been lax. I'm going to come up with a firm schedule for myself so I won't forget to write. I work better when there's lots of structure. That's the one thing I miss about high school. Well, that and the Steel Drum Band I was in. If you want to buy a CD they're just ten bucks._

_This one is sort of a cross over. I'll explain in the next chapter why it HAD to be done, but if you aren't familiar with the game you won't be left in the dust. I mean, I don't even understand it, so… yeah._

* * *

The minions were being disciplined. Each one of them had to write a twenty-page essay, 12-point single-spaced, one-inch margins, on the physics of holes in the fabric of reality. Key points to keep in mind were: 1) that holes cut in time and space do not move, 2) they are not hungry and do not crave your meat, 3) they do not get angry, and 4) I can be a better minion using the information I've learned.

Count Bleck wrote off the last mission as a "moderate success," recorded what he learned for entry into the Beige Prognosticus, and began sifting for a new mission. As soon as his wife returned from helping Mario trounce Bowser, he would put his work aside and spend a nice evening with his wife by the fire, discussing literature or worldly affairs over a cup of Koopa Tea. In the meantime, he was at his desk, somewhere between working and pretending to.

Nastasia knocked on the door.

"Come in," said Count Bleck without looking up. He stopped pretending to look busy and began writing again.

She cracked the door and poked her head in. "Yeah, I just have this one action item, K? So, it looks like if we want to get the hole closed, we're going to have to close it ourselves. And the sooner we do, the better, 'cause it looks like it's getting unstable."

Count Bleck heaved a huge sigh. "Very well," he said, putting his papers aside. "Brink the minions to the old lab and I'll show them what to do. Tell them they'll be allowed to use what they see in the paper as long as they cite it in proper APA format."

Nastasia nodded. "Gotchya. I'll page them and have them meet us there."

In under seven minutes, Nastasia had brought Mimi, O'Chunks, and Mr. L to Count Bleck. They cowered in the doorway with Nastasia in the lead, just a step into the room standing straight. Count Bleck was standing a few meters in front of the hole, holding his cane in both hands in front of him.

"Minions," he said.

"Yes, Count Bleck?" they all murmured in shame.

"I can tell by your disappointed voices that you know why I've summoned you right here, right now," said Count Bleck. "I'm glad you all showed up."

"Except Dimentio," said Mimi. "He got eaten by the hole."

"Yes," said Count Bleck lamely. "He was eaten by the hole. I'm going to show you how to handle a hole in time and space such as this one."

"How do you know how?" asked Mr. L.

"I am a member of the Tribe of Darkness," said Count Bleck. "We are more in tune with dimensions than any other race."

"What about Dimentio?"

"Dimentio is an abomination of nature," replied Count Bleck brusquely. "He doesn't fit into any normal conventions. Now, let's deal with the matter at hand. Since none of you are man enough—"

O'Chunks took offense at that first, "Ey, whaddayeh mean, I ehn't man enough?"

The second was Mimi. "Hey, who says you have to be a _man_ to handle it!"

Count Bleck smirked.

"He's doing it to get a rise out of you," said Mr. L.

"You're just saying that because you finally have an excuse to be smug in your inferiority," Mimi snapped back.

He shrugged. "I take what I can get."

Count Bleck twirled his cape as he turned around and flounced over to the hole. It was clear he was enjoying every minute of this and was incredibly pleased with himself to be so much better than his subordinates.

He stopped in front of the hole, and then turned his back to that. "Now, watch closely," he said holding out his staff. "You may want to take notes; there'll be a test after this, won't there, Nastasia?"

"Yeah," she said. "Short answer questions."

"Very well. All you have to do is—"

And then, quite suddenly, Count Bleck was sucked into the hole as well.

Nastasia jumped so suddenly her glasses slipped off her face. "Oh, goodness!"

The minions, of course, panicked.

"Aah"  
"It ate the count!"  
"It's hunger can't be satisfied!"  
"I don't wanna be next!"  
"Let's go back to the desert!"  
"Quick! Get the false moustaches!"

Nastasia lifted her glasses and let out a blinding glare of hypno-light. None of them were hypnotized by it, but she used it to freeze their minds for a split second in order to stop the hysteria.

"K," she said, "Are you ready to be calm?"

They nodded.

"Good," said Nastasia.

"I told you," said Mimi plainly.

"Yes, you did," said Nastasia.

O'Chunks thumped his chest. "It's claimed another victim, and I fer one ehn't lettin' it go no further! Now it's a matter o' warrior's honor, that it's gone an et up me fearless leader! A'm goin' after 'im!"

And O'Chunks threw himself headfirst into the hole.

"O'Chunks, don't—" Nastasia started after him and stopped.

"If O'Chunks is brave enough to face that thing alone, then by golly, Mimi is, too!" And Mimi dove in after him.

"To the bandwagon!" Mr. L pumped his fist and followed suit.

"HAVE YOU ALL LOST YOUR MINDS?" Nastasia hollered after them.

* * *

Apparently, the portal opened onto a strange prairie on a large island in the middle of the sea. There was an ocean breeze blowing from the south, a mountain range to the north, and tall grass all around. The Count himself was hunched over, head buried in his cape like an owl, when the Minions spotted him.

"Ah, Count, we've come ta rescue yeh!" O'Chunks said. "Loyal no matter what!"

"Even in a scary hole dimension!"

Count Bleck didn't move.

"Um, Count?" Mimi leaned in. "Yoo hoo? Count?"

"I'm going to look up," said Count Bleck very slowly and carefully. "I'm going to look up, and I'm going to realize that I slipped on the floor in the lab. And when I get up, I'm going to see that my loyal, competent minions have sealed the dimensional hole, have finished their essays, and are waiting for their next assignment. Yes, that's certainly what's happened here."

"Um… no," said Mr. L. "We're on a prarie."

"And I assume you know how to get us back. You did follow me here, after all."

"Um… no." Mr. L looked at the others, who shrugged.

"We fell," said Mimi. "The hole probably opened up in the sky." She looked up, but didn't see anything.

"A rope, then," said Count Bleck. "That's it. One of you tied a rope round your waist, anchored it to the wall in the lab, and _then_ dove in after me. That's what the plan was."

"Ah, that'd've been a good plan," said O'Chunks, embarrassed.

Count Bleck stood up quickly, as if he hadn't been doubled over at all. He brushed the grass off of his cape and straightened his monocle. "Very well," he said. "I should have known better, after all. If I haven't learned what to expect of you by now… but never mind."

"We're sorry," said Mimi. "We didn't mean to rush in without—"

"But," Count Bleck cut off coldly, "you did."

"Well, yeah."

"There's a village to the west," said Count Bleck. "Just over a few rocks, and we can meet the locals. Once we find out where we are, it should be easy to find our way back."

Then a mysterious voice spoke, from a tree in the landscape: "I think you'll find it quite difficult to leave this island, now that you've found yourself on it. Since this island has been formed, no one has ever been able to leave."

A large owl was perched in the tree watching them. Only after it spoke could it be seen; perhaps it wasn't even there to begin with? It looked at them, it's head cocked sideways, and it was hard to tell whether it was looking at them curiously or just being an owl.

Count Bleck hailed the owl. "Greetings, greeted Count Bleck. I am Count Bleck."

(It became evident to the minions present that now he did it on purpose.)

"We have come here from Dimension Bleck quite by accident and wish to return home. However, if you have any problems we can solve, we'd be happy to while we're here."

The owl ruffled its feathers. "You will never be able to leave," said the owl.

"You know this for a fact?"

"I am the guardian spirit of this island," the owl replied. "This island is only a dream."

Count Bleck glanced at his minions, who seemed baffled.

"Wow," said Mr. L. "Yeah, that's messed up. How can we be in someone's dream?"

"I'm guessing magic," said Mimi.

"Yeah, I'd also be guessin' that," said O'Chunks.

"I concur," said Count Bleck. "Magic."

The owl gave them a curious look, then spread it's wings and grabbed a breeze, flying off into the distance.

"We'll get home," said Count Bleck. "In fact, we'll probably be there before Timpani returns from her outing with Mario. That is," he added meaningfully, "if Nastasia has better planning than present company."

They headed off to the village Count Bleck spoke of, understanding nothing of dreams and the magic at work, but knowing that getting home was their quest.


	2. 11 dash 2

_Did you ever play The Legend of Zelda: Link's Awakening?_

_Well, I could never beat any Zelda game when I was growing up, although we did grow up with that one and the link to the past one. Only recently have I triumphed over evil and finished the games. Now they aren't even hard (except for that ONE PART… GRR!)_

_I see a lot of Nintendo cameos, but never, never in my life have they felt so out of place as in Link's Awakening. Goombas, Cheep-Cheeps, Thwomps, and Kirby, to name a few, are very different from Like-likes, Moblins, and Castle Guards, and yet they co-exist side by side._

_I can only assume it's because the dimensional fabric is thin between the edge of the Marioverse and Koholint Island. That's why, when Nawrocki just slashed at the dimensional fabric all willy-nilly, it was likely he would end up somewhere like here. Or, to be more specific, here._

_Anyway. Enjoy. You've earned it._

* * *

Tippi came home soon after the fiasco. She found Nastasia sitting in the doorway to the lab, in a folding chair. She was sitting stiffly and professionally, one foot tucked behind the other ankle, hands folded in her lap, back arched, and gaze fixed straight ahead.

"Um, hi," said Tippi.

"Hello," replied Nastasia.

"Why is the castle empty?"

"Because Dimentio was right and the rest of the minions are idiots," she answered.

"I think that's a little harsh," said Tippi. "They're not the best, but—"

Nastasia told Tippi exactly what happened to Count Bleck and the minions.

"Oh," said Tippi. "In that case, you're right. They _are_ idiots."

"I thought you might like to help figure out an action plan," Nastasia answered, standing up and straightening out her blouse. "Yeah, since you're an information pixl that might be the best course of action."

* * *

On the other side of the hole, Count Bleck had led his minions to the village. They followed the path, jumped over a pile of rocks, and ended up in a small but pleasant little burg on the seaside. There were houses, a shop, a small town square with a weathervane, and humans milling about.

"What a nice place," said Count Bleck. "Very peaceful."

I do hope it will stay that way, he added to himself.

He waved down the nearest resident and asked, "Pardon me, does this place exist?"

"What kind of question is that?" replied the resident.

"In any case," Count Bleck said to his minions as the resident moved on, "we don't seem to be attracting unwanted attention among these humans. That's very good."

They passed a house with a chain chomp tied up out front. It barked and snapped to and fro, and as soon as it saw them it lunged the length of its chain, gnashing its teeth and barking.

"See," said Mimi, "I'm not the only one who thinks a chain chomp would make a great pet."

"We must be in a dimension close to home, to have encountered such a familiar creature," said Count Bleck.

When they arrived at the weathervane, they saw a pretty young woman standing next to it. She was radiating serenity as she sang a lovely tune. It was attracting the attention of all the birds and small animals, which were transfixed by the music. The Count stood a distance away, waiting until she finished.

But when she finished, she started again, so he waited for another round. When he saw the end coming near, he approached her and cleared his throat.

"Ahem."

"Oh!" She just now noticed him. "I've never seen anything like you before!" She glanced over her shoulder. "You're not a nightmare, are you?"

"No," replied Count Bleck. "What's a nightmare?"

"Are you from this island?"

"No, we're lost and trying to get home."

"Oh!" She clapped her hand to her mouth. "My whole life, I went without seeing… and now all of a sudden, two visitors!" She looked over his shoulder this time. "And even more!" She wiped her eye and said, "I've always wanted to see what's off of this island, but before now no one even knew if there even _was_ a world off this island."

"What island is it, exactly?"

"This one? This is Koholint Island."

"Koholint?… Pity. I've never heard of it."

He looked over to his minions, who all shuffled uncomfortably. Neither of them had heard of it before, either.

"Well, in any case, we're also looking for a friend of ours. He's about this tall, dressed in purple and yellow, resembles a jester except cripplingly evil."

She shook her head. "No, I haven't seen anyone like that."

"How about a green plant creature, about _this_ tall… big snout, dinner-plate eyes?"

She shook her head. "You might try outside the village. But be very careful. The monsters have been restless lately. They may try to attack you."

"I'll be careful," he assured her. "Thank you for your time."

He returned to his minions. "All right. I believe I know wha—where's Mimi?"

O'Chunks and Mr. L looked around themselves.

"Mimi. You know her, yes? Yea tall, green pigtales, a new outfit every seventy-six seconds?"

"Yeah, see, the thing is…"

Count Bleck cut Mr. L off. "Ah. I see her."

She was back at the house, playing with the Chain Chomp. First she would razzle it, and then she would scratch it on the top of the head, and then begin again. A woman was now standing in the doorway, watching happily.

"My Bow-Wow loves to play," she said. "He's such a sweetheart."

Count Bleck picked Mimi up under the arms just before the Chomp took a chomp right out of her. "That's enough playing for now," he said. "I'm terribly sorry, ma'am, but we have business to attend to."

"Come back anytime!" she said happily.

"Okay!" Mimi agreed.

Count Bleck, holding her by the wrist, led her away.

* * *

They headed north out of the village into the forest. Count Bleck did not plan to go far, only to get a feel for the island, before returning somewhere he knew was safe and populated.

The island was like nothing he'd ever seen before. It wasn't strikingly different, like traveling from the Land of Cragnons to the Icy Palace- the world had the same _feel_ to it. This place was very, very far away from the dimensions he was used to traveling that he felt he may have entered another _universe_.

Yet the grass was green, the trees were brown, and the rocks were gray. Certainly this world wasn't _too_ alien. There were monsters, too, strange doglike moblins and angry bats that attacked if you got too close or upset them. Strange carnivorous flower/serpents lunged from the water and piles of sand swallowed up anything that came too close.

But when they passed through a tunnel, they found Thwomps poised to attack from above, Goombas patrolling the ground, and Cheep-Cheeps swimming around in the water. However different it was, it was in some ways similar.

"I must remember to document this place when I return," mused Count Bleck out loud as they exited another underground cavern and arrived back in the prairie.

The owl was waiting for them.

"Strange visitors from another land," he said, "You will never return home as long as the Wind Fish sleeps. This island is his dream, and the Nightmares he has keep him asleep. Only a Hero, from another world, may gather the Siren's Instruments and play the Ballad of the Wind Fish to wake him. Only then will this island disappear, and those born from it will cease to exist."

"I'm not going to do that," said Count Bleck.

"You are not the hero," said the Owl. "Though he has already arrived. You will not be able to play the Siren Instruments."

"I already said I wasn't going to."

"That's good," said the Owl, "because if you tried, you would fail."

"I just want to go home."

"That is not possible."

"You're bothering me," said the Count, "and besides, I never asked for your advice."

"You are looking for a companion of yours."

"Yes," said Count Bleck. "He's about this big, jester outfit, purple and yellow—"

"Your friend has been taken prisoner by the Moblins," said the Owl. "Fortunately, that is a mission you will not fail at."

"Your vote of confidence is awe-inspiring, thank you." He tapped his chest. "It touches me, it truly does." He turned to leave and end the unwanted conversation, but then stopped and turned back suddenly.

"Did another visitor come through here, a strange creature that's almost a plant and not quite an animal? He has a long crocodile snout and eyes the size of mill wheels?"

The Owl puffed out his shoulders. "Came, and went," he said.

"But you said no one could leave the island."

"He is still in the dream."

Count Bleck pointed a finger accusingly. "I don't like _you_ and I _don't_ like this place."

"It is not here so you can _like_ it," the Owl replied calmly. And again, he flew away without another word.

"If I knew how we got here from there," said Count Bleck out loud, "it would be easy to get back." As it were, warping back would be like driving on a curved freeway while blindfolded.

"This island is too backwater to have what we need. You three-" he pointed at the minions. "Build a boat and sail out as far as you can go. If you run out of supplies, remember how to warp back.

"What are yeh gonna be doin' then, if we're at sea?"

"I'm going to save Dimentio," said Count Bleck dramatically.

A dramatic wind blew. Dramatically, you see.

"Why?" asked Mimi.

"Because he's one of our own," replied Count Bleck with certainty. "And he is a greater master of dimensions than even myself. Also, I don't like it when I don't know where he is."


	3. 11 dash 3

Boat building is serious business. If you can find the right material, which of course means knowing a lot about lumber and which trees it comes from, it has to be shaped properly to be buoyant. Buoyancy is, of course, the scientific way to describe not sinking to the bottom of an unforgiving ocean leaving your body to be devoured by the nefarious dwellers of the twilight zone. I fell asleep in a college science class so I know these things, you see.

It's far easier to, say, find a man who sells trips in _his_ boat around the surrounding pond to families on outings and thrill-seekers alike for a reasonable fee, and then steal said boat. And if that boat happens to be a raft, well, that's not too bad.

When it came to supplies, they were about two kilometers off shore before Mr. L mused out loud, "Huh. Guess we probably should have packed a snack or something."

O'Chunks reached a muscley arm into the water and pulled out a still-wriggling fish. He handed it to Mr. L without fanfare.

"Great," said Mr. L, taking it and sitting on it for later. "Now, just so long as we don't get thirsty…"

* * *

Count Bleck had no trouble locating the cave of the moblins. Tracking had never been a weak point of his. He found it on the prairie, not too far from where he had met the owl. So presently he was outside this cave, his back against the rocky wall next to the mouth. He carefully peered in, and then ducked away several times before he entered the room.

But he didn't just walk into the room. He decided that it would be in his favor to appear suddenly in the center of the room, in the midst of a dramatic flash, cackling, "Bleh heh heh heh! Bleck! Tremble before Count Bleck!" The element of surprise is a wonderful thing to have.

Moblins were easily startled. They scattered like frightened puppies for a moment before remembering their spears, which they began to throw them at him. Count Bleck could easily deflect those with his shielding.

"Ah!"

"Scary!"

"What IS it?"

Count Bleck held up his staff and blasted them all away. None of them were killed, but it did put them out of the way nicely.

"Moblins," mused Count Bleck as he hung in the air, surveying his work. Not a single moblin was left standing. "They don't seem much more powerful than a Koopa Troopa."

THUD.

THUD.

THUD.

SNORT.

Heavy, heavy footsteps. Heavy, _heavy_ breathing.

Count Bleck turned around slowly.

He was face-to-face with a mammoth of a moblin at least four times the size of any of the others he had fought. This one had large, pronounced horns and mashing meaty fists. It was snorting steam comically, and pawing at the ground ready to charge.

Count Bleck swallowed.

The moblin charged.

"Olé!" Count Bleck swished his cape in front of the moblin's face and waved his cane to slow down the speed of the moblin. Using that, he was able to duck out of the way of the charging bull.

The moblin charged again, and this time Count Bleck was ready. He stood in front of the wall until the very last possible second, and then pushed himself upwards. The moblin's horn speared his cape and stuck to the wall.

Count Bleck tugged on the tail of his cape. "You will release Count Bleck this instant!" he scolded. He flung a glob of dark energy out onto the moblin. The force hurled it out of the wall and onto its back.

Count Bleck picked up his cape and stuck his finger through the hole. "I do hope I can repair this," he murmured.

The moblin started to get up in a daze.

Count Bleck flung another glob and KO'd it.

"A simple task to take down this behemoth… for Count Bleck!" Count Bleck hung in the air, looking smug and quite pleased with himself. All that was left was to find Dimentio.

* * *

O'Chunks, Mimi, and Mr. L were sailing out in the deep, blue sea. Out of boredom, Mimi had taken the form of one of the gulls flying around overhead, only instead of flying she hopped around on the raft. Mr. L was stretched flat on his stomach and expelling seasickness over one side. O'Chunks was sitting still, cracking his knuckles and trying to look tough.

"I think this is stupid." Mimi was chattering endlessly. "I mean, sure we're not sure how we got here, but why do we have to find somewhere to go back? I guess cause it's really hard to warp somewhere if you don't know where. Oh, but you guys wouldn't know much about that, would you? Anyway, doesn't that island give you the creeps?"

She looked around, fluffed her wings, and looked around again. "Well, does it?"

"Mmm?" O'Chunks glanced up from his knuckle-cracking.

"I asked you a question."

"Sorry. Ah thought yeh was babblin' again."

"She was," groaned Mr. L. "She switched gears."

"Doesn't that island give you the creeps?"

"Aye, 'tis nigh unsettlin'." O'Chunks nodded solemnly. "Me and the men used teh march through 'aunted woods and castles all night, an' nary we'd balk… an' yet this ain't like nothin' I'd ever felt. It gives me a shiver up me armour."

"I just don't like being so far from home," said Mr. L. "Another reason it's usually just my bro going off on his own."

"Do you think it's true, that it's just a dream?"

"If it was, how could we be on it?"

"Ooh, maybe it's _our_ dream."

"Then why did he say it belonged to the Wind… thingy?"

"Oh, yeah! Well, anyway, I don't know but I don't always believe everything owls tell me. I mean, if it was the Count I'd believe it if he told me the world was made of snow, but we're talking about some random owl here, you know, like, do we even _know_ this guy? Like, what if he's schitzo or something? Then we'd look stupid for believing some random crazy owl."

"Did you get a word of that?" Mr. L asked.

O'Chunks was back to his knuckle cracking. He just shook his head.

The journey passed in silence for a bit longer. O'Chunks looked up once, for no particular reason, and then went back to his knuckle-cracking. "Ey, now," he said, "Anyone been doin' some side-navigatin'?"

"What's that?" Mimi asked.

Mr. L shook his head. "I been busy."

"Ah," he said. "See… We been sailin' south this whole time. I can't figgur we made any turn-arounds… an' I'm lookin' at that horizon." He pointed helpfully in the direction they were heading.

They both followed his finger south, to the mark on the horizon.

It was the same island. You couldn't deny the landmarks.

Mimi's mouth was hanging open. "We've been… going south. I mean, when could we have gone _around_ the whole island?"

"This is spooky."

* * *

Count Bleck didn't have to go far in the cave before the came upon the end. It was another room, rather open for being inside a stuffy cave. The only feature was a large iron birdcage hanging from the ceiling in the center. In the birdcage, was Dimentio.

"Ah, hello, my Count," he said cheerfully.

"Good evening, Dimentio."

"Is it? It's difficult to tell on this island, and night and day have no meaning in a cave. It's ever so dark in here, like the realm beneath a toddler's unkempt bed."

"It's good to see you, too." Count Bleck raised his level to the cage. He found the door and the lock, and gave it a good tug. "They locked you in here?"

"I landed right in front of their cave," Dimentio said. "I was torn from our world and flung through the raging torrent, like an unsuspecting woodland creature who stopped to take a drink from a seemingly tranquil stream. And thus, here I am." He took a low bow.

"Have you figured out how to get back?" Count Bleck took his staff and began to fidget with the lock, trying to see how it attached and if he could remove it himself.

"I haven't spent the time." Suddenly, Dimentio was standing on Count Bleck's top hat. "I've been very amused here, you see. It's easy to rile up the moblins, and quite entertaining to watch them panic. So that's what I've been doing."

Count Bleck, now startled, flailed his hands upwards, trying to push Dimentio off. Dimentio lifted himself up about six inches, until the top of his collar was touching the ceiling.

"Of course you can get out," said Count Bleck, tossing the lock out of his hands. It fell against the birdcage with a loud clank. "I don't know what I was just thinking. Why didn't you say anything?"

"I said quite a few things," said Dimentio. "Were you not listening?"

"I meant, about being able to escape."

"I thought we were having a nice conversation. If you wanted to discuss something else, you should have said something."

Count Bleck shook his head. "How many times am I going to have this conversation today?" he wondered out loud.

"Pardon?"

"I've been talking in circles with people since I fell down this rabbit hole." Count Bleck reached up and grabbed Dimentio's foot, tugging him down until they were eye to eye. "We're going to find a way off this island, do you understand?"

"Perfectly."

"Good. Wonderful. Let's go, commanded Count Bleck."

* * *

As soon as they left the cave, the other minions bombarded them.

"'Ey, Count!"

"You won't believe this!"

"I swear it's true!"

Count Bleck waved a gloved hand. "One at a time, minions, one at a time please." He looked over them all. "Eeny, meenie, miney… you." He was pointing to Mimi.

"Okay, so, like, we were on this raft, see? And we went sailing out in the water and I was a seagull and we were going south in a straight line and Mr. L was barfing into the water and the fish were actually coming up and _eating_ it, that's so gross! I mean, totally, barf-o-rama! And then, like, we were going in a straight line, right? And you know how there's this one big mountain in the mountains that you can see from anywhere on the island? So we were going in a straight line off the south beach—"

Count Bleck put his hand against her mouth. "Sorry. I meant to point to you," he said to Mr. L.

"We went straight south," said Mr. L, "and the island disappeared on the horizon north." He held a hand out sideways, to mark north. "Then we saw it again, to the south." He held his other hand up the same way, and then clapped them together to illustrate his point. He looked left and right, then leaned in and whispered, "Count, there was _no way_ we just circled the island. I don't think it's gonna let us get off."

Count Bleck looked up and saw an owl flying above them.

"I found Dimentio," he told them, holding Dimentio by the shoulders and offering him forwards.

Dimentio waved.

"Oh, great. That solves one problem."

"And creates a whole bunch more."

"Yes, well…"

"But 'e knows all aboot this dimention-flippin' business, don't 'e? Can't yeh get us off this nightmare island?"

Dimentio bowed low. "You are speaking to the Master of Dimentions," he said.

"That's not really an answer, Dimentio," said Mr. L.

"I don't have one just yet." Dimentio was still in his bowing position, his torso parallel with the ground below. He paused for a moment too long, and then straightened up so thoroughly he went a few inches higher in the air. "But I assure you, if there is an answer to be found, it will be found by me… with magic!"


	4. 11 dash 4

_I think, someday, perhaps quite soon  
__I shall depart at half past noon  
__And go and live upon the moon  
__And bask within its glow_

_So me and my dear Timpani  
__Can sit and sip our special tea  
__And live in soft tranquility  
__Far from Dimentio_

"My dear Count, are you even listening to me?"

Count Bleck was leaning against a tree, hands folded across his chest, hat down over his eyes, making up a ridiculous song in his head. He was aware that Dimentio was talking, and had been talking for a very long time.

"I believe," Dimentio had said, "that this dimension is one that exists in a distant pass than our own, meaning that in order to find our way home, we'd have to, shall we say, find a different pass—ah ha ha, you'll have to excuse a bit of interdimensional humor…"

And Count Bleck had slowly but surely started to tune him out.

Now he lifted the brim of his hat and looked up at Dimentio lazily. "Have you come to the solution yet?" he asked in a froggy, tired sort of voice.

"Not as of yet, Count, but I do believe that I'm very close to finding out if there _is_ an answer."

"Lovely." Count Bleck lowered his hat and went back to making up songs.

He had just gotten to the next good part when he felt someone nudge his shoulder. Based on the delicate but urgent use of force, he decided it was Mimi and said, without looking up, "Can I help you?"

"Yeah." He was correct. "Um, Count, I was wondering about something."

"Mm?"

"Well, like, this world… are you gonna do something about it?"

He lifted up his hat again. "I beg your pardon?"

"I dunno, it's just that you're all gung-ho on fixing stuff, you know, and, like, something weird's here, you know, and maybe, you know—"

"Ah. I see. In that case, my dear Mimi, I believe not."

"Why not?"

"Because I'm not entirely sure that there _is_, in fact, something wrong. If there indeed is, it's too far beyond my scope of comprehension. I do not understand this place, nor do I wish to. I simply want to return home and call it a day."

"That's not like you."

"Well, Bleck is in a situation that I'm entirely unfamiliar with. You'll have to forgive a bit of reluctance."

"Okay."

"Thank you."

Dimentio landed again on Count Bleck's hat. "My dear Count," he said sweetly, "could you see your way into doing me a favor?"

"Dimentio," said Count Bleck, looking up and causing Dimentio to have to lift himself off the hat, "just because the top of Count Bleck's hat is flat does not mean it is an appropriate place to stand."

"But it's so inviting," Dimentio replied happily.

"You're a fool. Now, what favor were you asking?"

"I want you to go up there and see if you can find the hole."

"How high is the hole?"

"I don't know."

Mimi looked up as well. "Anybody remember how far we fell?"

"I was too busy falling," replied Count Bleck. "I didn't think to count."

He stood up and brushed some grass and dirt out of his cape. "All right. Where should Count Bleck start?"

Dimentio pointed out into the field. "Over in that general area should be fine."

Count Bleck handed his staff to Mimi, who took it and promptly fell on her butt because it was heavier than it looked. Then he spread open his cape and rose ten feet into the air and looked around.

"Nah," said Mimi, "we fell a whole lot further than that."

So Count Bleck then rose about ten _meters_ into the air.

"That should be fine," Dimentio said. "Don't you think, Mimi?"

"It's gotta be under him," she agreed.

Count Bleck looked up, and lifted himself higher. The he rose higher still, suddenly he urgently needed to break free of this island and he lifted himself up, up, up into the air where the clouds surely met the sky and kissed the earth goodbye, suddenly all that mattered was getting higher and higher and---

Suddenly the intensity stopped, and Count Bleck breathed a sigh of relief. He knew he was far too high to look for the seal, but he felt better. He looked back down to see how far he had to lower himself.

He was ten meters from the ground.

"This island will not let us break free of it," he said. "I _know_ there's more to this world than this… but the island does not want us to discover it. Apparently, this island is a jerk."

Mimi called up to him, "Dimentio wants to know why you aren't looking!"

"Why isn't Dimentio asking Count Bleck himself? Called Count Bleck!"

"Because he's being a brat!"

"Tell him it is because I have realized something unpleasant. And then hit him with my cane!"

* * *

After that Mimi went to go find Mr. L, who had gone to the nearby village. She found him standing with a kid, and they seemed to be making small talk. She caught the tail end of their conversation.

"Dude, you want to know about the transient nature of this islands existence and how it's dependant on the subconscious imagination of another, possibly more powerful, entity?"

"Well, yeah, sort of."

"Don't ask me; I'm just a kid!"

Mimi cut in. "Hi!"

"Hi," said Mr. L. "Apparently no one knows how long they've lived on this island."

"He was asking me when we all started to live here," the kid said, "and I was all, _dude_, you're blowing my mind!"

"Count wants you," she said. "Where's O'Chunks?"

"He's playing a trendy game," replied Mr. L. "He's trying to win some bombs or something; oh, there he is now."

O'Chunks came up to them with an armload of items. "Ah'm back!" he announced.

"What've you got there?" asked Mimi.

O'Chunks reached into the pile and pulled out a Yoshi doll. "Seems 'es everywhere these days, doen' it? 'Ere, yeh can 'ave it. I ehn't into playin' with dolls an' the like."

Mimi took it and squeezed it into a deadly hug. If it were an animal, it would no longer be alive, that's how hard she hugged it. "Thanks, Chunky!"

Carrying the prizes, they all returned to Count Bleck. He was just where they left him, with Dimentio hovering just millimeters above the top of his hat.

"Welcome back," said Count Bleck. "Dimentio, would you like to share your discovery with the rest of us?"

Dimentio bowed low. "Fellow minions of Count Bleck," he said, "I am unable to divine a path back to our own dimension with only the equipment provided by this land. However, the hole left in time and space is still open. Unfortunately, I am unable to locate it because I can't see it. I don't know where it is and it is impossible to see save for the right angle. We may spend the next several years hunting for it, like a tiny, golden sewing needle needlessly discarded in a gargantuan pile of golden wheat."

"Oh," said Mr. L, nodding. "I see. We're totally screwed."

"Now, now, don't be vulgar, Mr. L. Say it with flair."

"Oh," said Mr. L, nodding. "I see. "We are most certainly and unpleasantly going to fail at this endeavor."

"Not quite. Try it again, but put your heart into it."

"We're totally screwed."

"Now, now," said Count Bleck. "We're going to search for this portal, and I'm certain that eventually, with perseverance, we will be able to find it."

O'Chunks raised his hand. "Ah, actually, Count, we'll prob'ly loose patience in a few hours an' go raise a ruckus in town. If the past be any warnin' o' the future."

"I will not have that kind of negativity in my organization."

"Yeh can't stop us from thinkin' it."

Count Bleck reached his hand out and then tightened it into a fist.

"Oh. 'Parrently yeh can." He turned to Mr. L. "What was I doin'?"

Mr. L shrugged. "Got me. I think I got contact amnesia from you."

Count Bleck sighed and lowered his head. "We will be forever trapped on this nightmare of an island, won't we?"

All of a sudden, the sky burst open and Nastasia came exploding out like a bullet. She had a rope tied around her middle that trailed off a bit and then ended in the middle of nowhere. She did two flips, knees tucked under her, and landed on the ground in a squatting position, one hand on the floor and one posed out for balance.

She stood up and straightened her glasses.

"Yeah, so, I'm here to rescue you, 'k? Great. So, everyone grab a piece of rope and we'll start this commute back to the castle."

Without asking any questions, everybody grabbed a section of rope.

"Everyone here? Great." She gave two sharp tugs on the rope, and suddenly they all went shooting up through the air, through the hole, through space itself, and back into Castle Bleck.

Everyone let go at different points, scattering around the floor. The other end of the rope was attached to a crank, which had been rigged so that when Charlotte lurched forward, she pulled the crank up. Tippi was holding a bone-in cut just out of her reach. As soon as she saw that everyone was safely away from the hole, she dropped the meat.

Count Bleck grabbed the hole, squeezed it shut, and ran the gem on his staff across it. The gem glowed and welded the hole shut.

"There. Now, that's over. Forever."

_

* * *

_

Yuck. I hate this one. I can't wait for the next one. It's gonna be a party. Srsly.


End file.
